My Incredible, Life-Changing Predictions For 2016!

As we all know, authors make great predictors of the future. Looking at anyone’s twitter or facebook page will prove that the average writer (1) has an opinion and (2) has a brilliant, all-seeing mind. Therefore, it’s important for all peoples that we predict the future. Here are my predictions for 2016. Happy New Year! – Jeff

In 2016, potato chips will also be computer chips.

In 2016, 3D printers will create the next boy bands.

In 2016, orcas will run a Land World show with humans jumping through hoops in the middle of a never-ending sea.

In 2016, Al Pacino will play himself in a movie and get it wrong.

In 2016, cheese will be apples and social media will be anti-robots.

In 2016, Lifetime original movies will become self-aware and form a skynet across Earth’s social network systems.

In 2016, novelists will reject all money for their work, saying “it is for the people” and musicians will only accept fish for downloads.

In 2016, Florida’s 20 million people will become one mega-giant named “Florida Man,” lurch to life, and take over the other states.

In 2016, editor-writer provocateur Nick Mamatas will start a sanctuary for baby ducklings and form a folk band playing only “soothing” cover songs.

In 2016, Adam Sandler will make a movie titled Wedding Singer’s Cobbler: Return of the Pixels and intelligent piranhas will feast on his flesh.

In 2016 Marxists and Capitalists will argue about which of their stupidest outdated ideas can doom the planet in the era of climate change.

In 2016, Julian Assange and Edward Snowden will merge online to become “The Unf*ckable Julian Snowden” and rule social media for 12 hours.

In 2016, writer Kelly Link will be declared Supreme Commander of the Northeast U.S. and put in place “stone animal” laws. With ice cream for all.

In 2016, nations will be snapchats and snapchats will run the United Nations.

In 2016, Karl Ove Knausgard will write a 48-hour episode of TV show The Walking Dead, causing members of the Nobel committee to become incontinent.

In 2016, Ted Cruz will be discovered in two-person gimp suit with Santorum, while a gleeful Huckabee in a clown costume giggles nearby.

In 2016, ponies will become unicorns and take over the world, in the process debunking the religion of all bronies.

In 2016, tardigrades will become human-sized and appropriate all glass for their own purposes, leaving the world windowless.

 

Bonus: In 2400 last human brain cell will be assimilated by an Uber Tardigrade the size of a T-Rex…and used to solve localized equivalent of week’s crossword.*

*not Uber the company.