Evil Monkey

Evil Monkey’s List

Jeff VanderMeer • March 24th, 2009 • Evil Monkey

Evil Monkey:
Idjut.

Jeff:
Moron.

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Who’s Watching the Watchmen? Evil Monkey

Jeff VanderMeer • March 14th, 2009 • Evil Monkey

Evil Monkey:
Another snarling dead dog of a night, even during the day. The city’s like a wretched softball team of spectacularly goitered children. Blood pooling in the calves of old people. And right here, in the gutter, another puking, puling lump of humanity…

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Evil Monkey’s Fail Fail Fail Win Win Win…Push

Jeff VanderMeer • March 10th, 2009 • Evil Monkey

Evil Monkey:
I love this time of year. The azaleas are blooming bright red, there’s the scent of honeysuckle in the air, and the Internet is all ablaze with flame wars. They say fail, fail, fail. I say, win win win. Stick the knife in.

Jeff:
You suck. You’re sick. You’re a sadist.

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Evil Monkey: The Work Is Its Own Reward

Jeff VanderMeer • March 4th, 2009 • Evil Monkey

Evil Monkey:
How’s it going?

Jeff:
Surprisingly well.

Evil Monkey:
Maybe you’re just delusional.

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Evil Monkey Transmission: From Down Under

Jeff VanderMeer • February 13th, 2009 • Evil Monkey

Evil Monkey:
Jeff, what’re you doing? You’re not supposed to be interrupting.

Jeff:
Clarion South students too awesome. Must blog.

Evil Monkey:
Don’t blog! Sleep.

Jeff:
Eh. Sleep is overrated.

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Evil Monkey’s Book Vs Book Contest: The Throw Down in Squid Town

Jeff VanderMeer • January 24th, 2009 • Evil Monkey, Photos


(Contest-eligible…)

Evil Monkey’s decided to hijack the books received posts for awhile. And he’s in a competitive mood. So, look at the match-ups below and give a rationale for which book will win in two or three of them–as well as which of them will ultimately Rule Them All. Contest ends Thursday night. Evil will send the person who provides his favorite reasons a couple of the books seen below (monkey’s choice). All rights reserved, except Evil’s right to kneecap anyone he likes…All books to foreign winners sent by aquatic mule.

Without further ado, Evil presents Richard Morgan versus pirates, Shaun Tan versus Dean Koontz, and much more…

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Be Your Own Worst Enemy: Say No. I Dare Ya.

Jeff VanderMeer • January 14th, 2009 • Evil Monkey

Just a little aside re creating cool stuff and realizing a vision: People who start out saying “no” and “no, that can’t be done” and “no, that’s too ambitious” when you start talking about a creative process (perhaps even before you’ve finished explaining)…those people are already entering a downward spiral of lowered expectations. Don’t be one of those people. (Which is not to say if Evil Monkey wants to partner with you making a perpetual motion machine you ought to take Evil up on his offer.)

It’ll sound like a motivational poster, but almost anything is possible if you have the practical knowledge or tools to support your vision–and you will it to happen.

- Say yes to three creative opportunities that scare the crap out of you this year and you will experience tremendous personal growth.

- Take one area you’re weak in and make it a strength through practice and force of will.

The 60 in 60’s Influence on Evil Monkey’s Reply to YouTube Video Commenters

Jeff VanderMeer • January 2nd, 2009 • Evil Monkey

Upon viewing the Orson Welles-like Shriek movie trailer

Sevenputput: you wasted our time

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Partying with Evil Monkey: New Year’s Resolutions and Predictions

Jeff VanderMeer • December 31st, 2008 • Evil Monkey

Jeff:
Uhh! Stop doing that, Evil!

Evil Monkey:
Just checking to see if you’re dead yet.

Jeff:
Well, I’m not. So stop poking me with that stick.

Evil Monkey:
Take the long view. Soon enough, I’ll be poking you with that stick for a very good reason.

Jeff:
That’s somewhat macabre.

Evil Monkey:
Thought for sure this 60 in 60 thing would kill you. Thought it would happen long before the New Year. Cigar?

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Evil’s Infernal 60-60 Offer

Jeff VanderMeer • December 28th, 2008 • Evil Monkey, Nonfiction


(Design by the Evil Genius.)

Evil Monkey:
Psst.

Jeff:
Uhhh! Geez, Evil, you scared the crap out of me.

Evil Monkey:
Evil is as Evil does.

Jeff:
What the heck are you doing in that alley? Why’s that guy got no shirt? Um, why’re you wearing a shirt.

Evil Monkey:
No more questions. Just keep an eye on him. I’ve got his wallet.

Jeff:
What? What the hell?

Evil Monkey:
Okay, short answer: I was waiting for you, my friend. Waiting to extend an…infernal offer.

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