I, for one, simply cannot wait for this book to come out! My out of control success as a writer has been destroying my credibility as a starving artist for years now. How do I maintain my indie artist street cred when my novel has been on the NY Times bestseller list for nine straight months? I’ve been forced out of cheap apartments and into real estate speculation. Grocery stores will no longer sell me Ramen Noodles and tuna – once they recognize me, I’m whisked to the secret back room every grocery store maintains for celebrities, where I am forced to buy rare caviar and noodles made from cloned grains dating to the paleolithic era.
My life is a travesty.
Mr. VanderMeer, I will happily give you millions of dollars, and my key to the secret private bathrooms hidden in every city, if you will send me an advance copy of this book, and save me from a life of wealth, comfort and celebrity!