There Will Be Blood, Evil Monkey, There Will be Blood

Jeff VanderMeer • September 29th, 2011 @ 10:27 pm • Evil Monkey

Evil Monkey:
There will be blood“, Jeff. There will be blood.

Jeff:
There will be blood, Evil Monkey. There will be blood.

Evil Monkey:
It might not be your blood. It might not be today. It might not be tomorrow. It might be yesterday. But there will be blood.

Jeff:
I’m pretty sure it will be your blood—and it will be today.

Evil Monkey:
I’d much prefer it be your blood. Much, much more than my blood. But: there will be blood!

Jeff:
Blood there will be.

Evil Monkey:
Will be blood, there.

Jeff:
There. Blood. Be will.

Evil Monkey:
Blood. There.

Jeff:
Blood will.

Evil Monkey:
Do you have a will?

Jeff:
No. I have blood.

Evil Monkey:
You should have a will.

Jeff:
Why?

Evil Monkey:
There will be blood!

Jeff:
But it will be your blood.

Evil Monkey:
My blood isn’t your blood type so if there is blood and it is your blood, I will not be able to save you with my blood.

Jeff:
If it is your blood and I have a chance to save you with my blood, I will save my blood for a time when there will be blood and it will be my blood.

Evil Monkey:
Keep your blood, knave. Keep your goddamn effing blood.

Jeff:
I will, sir. I will keep my goddamn effing blood. Do you know why?

Evil Monkey:
Because it is your blood and not mine and it may be that there will be blood one day…and it will be yours?

Jeff:
No. Because in 40 years there will be no electricity, we will be sharpening sticks for swords, and any electronic book will have disappeared magically…like magic.

Evil Monkey:
Signed “the curmudgeon”…in blood.

Jeff:
Your blood.

6 Responses to “There Will Be Blood, Evil Monkey, There Will be Blood”

  1. jeff vandermeer says:

    Jeff: Will there really be blood, off the record?

    Evil: Yes. You see this polished rock on the mantel the size of a skull?

    Jeff: Yes.

    Evil: Foreshadowing. In 35 years I pick up that rock and smash in yer head so we can pull out yer delicious brain-meats and roast you over a fire. Because that will be common in the brave new world ahead of us. Oh yes, there will be blood, Jeff. There will be blood and brain-meats, and you will be glad of it, sir!

  2. Sam M-B says:

    As I wrote with JM after his SF Signal post: with Amazon more than willing to sacrifice billions every year in the red (meanwhile working non-benefit workers to heatstroke in 100+ degree warehouses) to conquer the last of the bookstores, the (alarmingly near) future is 100 million Kindles, 20 million iPads (with Kindle apps), and 1 million various other heterogeneous/generic things (mostly with Kindle apps). At which time Amazon can do pretty much whatever it wants. Probably a combination of 1. back up to less sensational prices 2. authors/publishers getting a much weaker deal. (So that, you know, those tens of billions of losses eventually are recouped.) Foreshadowing: in 35 years we are hand-printing and binding our books and meeting up to exchange them for bloody rocks.

  3. HKube says:

    This is possibly the greatest conversation I have ever heard, read or even imagined. The relationship you have with Evil Monkey is truly beautiful. Whether you two are frenemies or symbiotic cohorts these conversations provide me with endless entertainment.

  4. Sherry says:

    Jeff, you have too much free time. Get to work.

  5. Jeff VanderMeer says:

    Evil: Thanks for the mad props.

    Jeff: There’s blood–right there!

  6. September e-Book sales figures – and a couple of links | Pegasus Pulp says:

    [...] Jeff Vandermeer and his invisible pal Evil Monkey respond to J.M. McDermott’s posts about the digital future of publishing at SF Signal and on McDermott’s own site. This entry was posted in Links, Metrics and tagged Amazon, indie publishing, Kindle, sales figures. Bookmark the permalink. ← I’m not a content-creating brand: Two additions to yesterday’s post [...]

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