Evil Monkey Hates…And Hates…And Hates…

Evil Monkey:
I hate you.

Jeff:
I don’t hate you. I love you.

Evil Monkey:
Hate me. Hate my stench. Hate my feces on the wall.

Jeff:
I hate the cat’s throw-up more. But I’m curious. What else do you hate?

Evil Monkey:
I hate the bitter inner lining of walnut shells. I hate the smell of socks in the summer when the rain hits dead leaves. I hate people hating on Margaret Atwood. I hate when you complain about needing bifocals and being deaf in one ear. I hate V.S. Naipaul. I hate people who hate complex writing styles. I hate the New Emo Left. I hate idiots.

Jeff:
You don’t seem to hate that bottle of vodka you’re swigging. Isn’t it a bit early?

Evil Monkey:
I’m on Estonian time. I hate people on Eastern Standard Time.

Jeff:
I hate people who ask me what Steampunk is. Why don’t you just google the 1,800 entries of bloggers who’ve written posts titled either “What Is Steampunk?” or “Steampunk: This New Thing I Just Discovered and Will Now Reinvent the Wheel Defining.”

Evil Monkey:
I hate Steampunk.

Jeff:
I hate Monkeypunk.

Evil Monkey:
I hate Vanderpunk.

Jeff:
I hate that you’ve been gone so long.

Evil Monkey:
I was busy in Hell. Negotiating some deals with the Devil.

Jeff:
What does the Devil hate?

Evil Monkey:
Oddly enough, the Devil loves everyone. Which is why I hate him. Or her.

Jeff:
I hate the internet, links to blog entries, facebook, twitter, and youtube.

Evil Monkey:
That’s just love subverted. I hate self-righteousness and selfish people and readers who think every story has to be about them.

Jeff:
I hate non-readers, people on the cell phone in quiet places, and poodles. I hate (p)Rick Scott. No, that’s not right. I loathe Rick Scott.

Evil Monkey:
I hate people who say “Yes, but.” I hate those more awesome than me.

Jeff:
….

Evil Monkey:
But I love Fridays.

Jeff:
Yeah, me too. Can I have some vodka?

Evil Monkey:
No.

Jeff:
Are you going to be around more now?

Evil Monkey:
Now that I’m not hanging out with Drinky Crow so much…yeah, probably.

Jeff:
By the way, I always hated your stupid videos. They suck.

Comments

  1. says

    Please tell Evil Monkey that he (?) is very welcome in Estonia. We DO have lot’s of vodka here. The Finns come over every weekend to get some, There is enough that you can have some too, Jeff if you come with Evil Monkey – or one of your Finnish friends.

  2. says

    Sometimes I end up retreating from my WIP to the internet, looking for depth, inspiration and wonder. And then I end up on posts like this, and realize it’s what I was looking for the whole time. Back to the WIP.