Things That Haven’t Happened Yet ‘Cause I’m Flat-Out Exhausted

Jeff VanderMeer • August 22nd, 2009 @ 10:17 am • Uncategorized

But they will, they will, once I get mah second wind. Or a spare moment. Or a couple of assistants. Sigh. Not to mention the House of Cabinets antho that should’ve been done a long time ago, and Love Drunk Book Heads. Double sigh. (If not for Ann, Last Drink would be in the weeds, too.)

UPDATE: Urk, Hannu Blommila made me think of a new antho idea–CAPYGOTTI: A Bestiary of Fantastical Writers. “In the Capygotti’s tiny, reflectionless black eyes you can see the existential dread of legions.” Now I’m even farther behind!

Both covers by the mysterious Jacob M…

15 Responses to “Things That Haven’t Happened Yet ‘Cause I’m Flat-Out Exhausted”

  1. Cat Rambo says:

    Wow, they’re both gorgeous covers but that first one blows me away. Nice!

  2. S.J. Chambers says:

    I want to know what little things are in the bird’s bag.

  3. Jeff VanderMeer says:

    The first one is just to confuse peoples further, re Secret Life/Secret Lives/Secret Life Redux, but is basically extrapolations of the secret lives of famous people, using real historical facts. For example, the fact that William the Conqueror was a shapeshifter who took the form of a giant electric eel during the night. Stuff like that. And, erm, the exploits of a miniaturized Churchill aboard his reliable swallow/swift (can’t remember what the bird above is).

    Crap. Just forgot I’m also supposed to be writing a series of short-shorts about Juan Mandible Sick-Eyes…

  4. Hannu Blommila says:

    But hey, you’re a Komodohalo (and now apparantly the reincarnation of Vaucanson’s mechanical duck, created by Frédéric Vidoni, as well) you can do ANYTHING. ;-)

  5. Jeff VanderMeer says:

    Hannu–I am expecting *someone* to dress up as a Komodohalo for Finncon next year. I’ll pay good money to see that.

  6. Larry says:

    Hrmm…now I’m waiting to see if you’ll write about Hitler the Farting Dictator, which could be seen as a sequel/response of sorts to Walter the Farting Dog.

  7. Rina says:

    Jeff, if you lay there long enough, the cats will eat you.

  8. Jeff VanderMeer says:


  9. Ann VanderMeer says:

    I told Jeff that he needs to add one more thing to the list of things that haven’t happened yet – and that’s a clean, well-organized house!

  10. Larry says:

    Well, you said something about the secret lives of famous people using real facts. Here’s the historical proof. Just one more sign that reality is stranger than fiction, no?

  11. Jeff VanderMeer says:

    No no–not real absurd facts. FAKE absurd facts. Real normal facts. :)

  12. Larry says:

    Oh. Gotcha. Sorta like the sordid tales that can be imagined about the lives of the drivers of the Oscar Meyer Wienermobile?

  13. Jeff VanderMeer says:


  14. Larry says:

    Something too horrible to imagine? ;)

  15. Hellbound Heart says:

    the cats gather to see what horrible fate has befallen their esteemed and beloved master…..OH NO!!!! a bizarre fungoid growth sprouting from his head, the spores having been dormant for months in the living room carpet and waiting for the ripe moment to spring to alien life……WHAT NEXT??????

    peace and love………

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