Helsinki Escalates Penguin Wars

Jeff VanderMeer • May 4th, 2009 @ 3:28 pm • Culture


(Sick of penguin wars? Well, I’m not.)

Trusted spy correspondent Juha Tupasela provides valuable intel on an escalation I was unaware of:

“Your influence continues to be seen here in the far north, now in the form of heavily armed penguins (you will of course recall the plague of mushroom infiltrators I told you about earlier this year). It looks like the penguin wars that you’ve been publicizing over the past months have spilt over into Helsinki in the form of posters advertising a heavy metal festival. I can’t explain it, but somehow you seem to have tapped into Helsinki’s vibe, or Helsinki has tapped into your vibe. Either way, this connection promises interesting times ahead for the city. I’m sorry for the poor quality of the photo, it was taken in the middle of morning rush hour on the metro. I’ll try to get a better one later this week.”

It’s kind of Juha to blame me for the penguin thing, but it’s actually the fault of native species.

I will await further intel. But, as usual, me ‘n’ Helsinki–we’re good buds.

2 Responses to “Helsinki Escalates Penguin Wars”

  1. Elne Clare says:

    I been arming penguins since 1976, when a small group of adventures try to kill a lone 9 foot penguin in a random encounter. While their back slap will send even the mightiest warrior several ft, they are rather found of bowling down any group of adventures that happen to wander in sight.

    All due to fact that my High School boyfriend had his DnD miniatures attack a penguin figure he won at a Monty Python party

  2. Hellbound Heart says:

    killer panguins, ah yes, but have you hard of killer koalas down here in australia? they fall out of the eucalypts with deadly accuracy…..
    peace and love….

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