Consequences of Buying Random Sh*t at the Grocery Store
Check-out girl: Whatcha gonna do? Tape some grapes to those protein bars?
Me: Yes. That’s exactly what I’m going to do. And then you know what I’m gonna do? I’m going to paaaartay like there’s no tomorrow!
April 30, 2009 at 11:24 am
If you do nothing else productive with the entire rest of the week, know that this was a great gift to me. :)
April 30, 2009 at 11:39 am
Dude…that’s messed up. And I’m more than a bit annoyed that I missed out on the grape-tape power party.
April 30, 2009 at 11:51 am
Juliet: My present to you–crazytown. LOL!
John: It’s surprisingly *hard* to then get the damn tape off of the grapes. Very annoying.
Jeff
April 30, 2009 at 11:55 am
But then you get the luxury of peeled grapes. Yum!
April 30, 2009 at 12:48 pm
That, my friend, is what we call a first sign of mental illness. You should probably make an appointment with your doctor…taping grapes to power bars…I mean really…
April 30, 2009 at 12:57 pm
me brain’s workin’ fine. just gotta start writin’ some ficciones again sooooon…i think my perfect audience for this post is probably jeff ford.
April 30, 2009 at 1:22 pm
Um, don’t take this the wrong way, but I think Scalzi optimized this with cats and bacon. I’m just sayin’…
April 30, 2009 at 1:40 pm
If you ever use the word “optimized” on my blog again, I am going to strap grapes and power bars to your ass and ride you around the room like a show pony.
April 30, 2009 at 2:14 pm
Well, okay, but usually, that costs extra.
April 30, 2009 at 5:33 pm
“I am going to strap grapes and power bars to your ass and ride you around the room like a show pony.” … I’d pay good money to see that. ;P
April 30, 2009 at 5:42 pm
optimiz…
April 30, 2009 at 7:32 pm
I didn’t know grapes and power bars would lead to threats of kinkiness here! I wonder if this has morphed into a fantasy blog of an entirely different sort…
April 30, 2009 at 8:17 pm
It’d just be to stop the spread of “optimized.”
April 30, 2009 at 11:03 pm
Ah. But is the use of “Optimus Prime” allowed here, or is that too verboten?
May 1, 2009 at 10:10 am
I loves me them chocolate and peanut butter power bars!
May 1, 2009 at 10:25 am
I was at the grocery store last night and actually bought ProteinPlus PowerBars as a result of this post lodging them in my consciousness. No grapes or tape, though. In spite of what many may believe, I do have my limits.
Optimally, those limits stop at taping grapes to things. I make no promises about bacon.
May 5, 2009 at 11:29 am
Jeff, am I to understand that Checkout Girl simply ad-libbed that brilliant line, and you DIDN’T put her under immediate retainer? Shit… Neal Adams hasn’t drawn anything since, like, 1982. Just farmed it all out to his clones. You could be turned out a novel a week with checkout girls supplying dialogue. Whoah–scratch that. Forget that idea. But, uh, do you have her email address?
May 5, 2009 at 12:38 pm
Heh. I was afraid it might be a one-time thing.