Neenja Stream (MAJORITY RULE)
You are a ninja. Booyah.
You are out of milk. Bugger.
In other circumstances, this wouldn’t bother you, as you’re lactose intolerant. But your overbearing uncle Retsudo is visiting, and he must have milk with his rice. You’re not sure why. You suspect it is one of those entirely arbitary whims that exists purely to vex you, and he insists upon having it so just because he can. He’s head of the clan, and you’re not his favourite nephew, so, well, what can you do? Better get some milk or he’ll “instruct†you as to a new ninja technique with hands on training. Your toes still hurt from the last time.
The bus pulls up at the curb and you disembark. The driver accepts your nod with a disinterested stare and pulls away, leaving you standing in front of the supermarket.
You’re patting your pockets to ensure you didn’t leave your wallet on the bus – you have a lot of pockets – when you hear the clatter and rattle of charging trolleys, and look up to see a snake of shopping trolleys in the reigns of an underpaid cowboy bearing down at you.
You execute a lightning fast flip, twist over the trolleys, swing around a street lamp and land behind the cowboy, who has just hauled his wayward flock to a halt. He raises the brim of his hat, squinting about for several long moments before finally noticing you behind him.
His eyes narrow. A thousand yard stare in the high noon sun.
a. What, you’re such a lousy cowboy you can’t even herd a shopping trolley?
b. Return fire with a dramatic stare made entirely more menacing in your ninja mask.
c. QUICK DRAW SHURIKENS!
October 13, 2008 at 9:40 am
d. Reach into your ninja gear–clean and crisp from your mom’s iron–and with one ninja-blur motion, pull out ‘Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon,’ and fling it using the deftest of precision so that the target is momentarily incapacitated. Then you leap into the air, over the grocery carts, and float up into nearby trees with your feet kicking at the air, leaving tree branches to jostle and jounce in the parking lot wind.
October 13, 2008 at 1:37 pm
b). Ninjas are masters of silence in all its forms, so this lousy cowboy is sure to wither away before your silent stare. *nods*
October 13, 2008 at 2:48 pm
Did the cowboy see me? How is that possible?
I am ninja. I am invisible.
The cowboy likely sees the pirate behind me.
Best get out of their way, that they may duel without my interference.
I shall assassinate the victor with a poison dart to the back of the neck, at their moment of triumph.
If some measly Cowboy DOES happen to see me? Seppuku in shame.
October 13, 2008 at 4:47 pm
(b) It’s only fair to give this poor sucker some warning before turning him into mincemeat, or insulting him so badly we’d be forced to turn him into mincemeat.
October 14, 2008 at 12:56 am
b.
October 14, 2008 at 3:40 am
Just a quick note: the base posts are scheduled, but these ones will have to wait till I’m up and out of bed some hours later. I’ll stick a cut off in the comments when I’m posting the next installment.
March 14, 2011 at 4:05 pm
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