Top Five Things You Never Want to Hear from Your Writing Instructor

Jeff VanderMeer • May 28th, 2008 @ 7:12 am • Writing Tips

(5) “I thought writing ‘Exterminate all the brutes’ in the margins of your manuscript was cute. You didn’t?”

(4) “I’ve just undergone a religious conversion that has real relevance to your manuscript.”

(3) “My apologies for all the drinking this morning, but I have read your fucking manuscript, so no goddamn worries, huh, kid?”

(2) “You need to be more original. This is the third novella disguised as a scientific monograph about squid that I’ve read this week.”

(1) “Precious bodily fluids. You must preserve them in these jars. These jars and no others. If you wish to progress as a writer. These jars. Those fluids.”

7 Responses to “Top Five Things You Never Want to Hear from Your Writing Instructor”

  1. Jessica Reisman says:

    I don’t know. #1 had its merits.

  2. Damien G Walter says:

    “This is the finest work of literature I’ve encountered in my life. I’m going to marshal my full influence to make sure sure it is read by New Yorks finest agents and edit….aCKhh….mY hEarT!”

  3. Chris Billett says:

    Pardon my naivety, but shouldn’t number 2 usually be followed by “I’ll buy it!”?

  4. Corey Redekop says:

    “I’m sorry, but Mennonites have no talent.”

  5. Steve Buchheit says:

    “I noticed you only had two ninjas in the first fifty pages. Everybody knows that any salable manuscript has at least seven.”

  6. Jami JoAnne Russell says:

    You make me so glad I’m a singer, not a writer.

  7. Grant Stone says:

    Vowels are for the weak.

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