What God Could It Be?
Jeff VanderMeer • March 19th, 2008 @ 10:36 am • Uncategorized
Random House has a spoiler for the next Eragon novel here.
Here are my guesses as to what God it could be.
The God of Hackneyed Plot Devices
The God of Paper-Thin Characters
The God of Generic Prose
The God of Overhyped Self-Indulgence
The God of Stultifying Ennui
The God of Wanting Jeremy Irons To Be In Crap Movies Forever
March 19, 2008 at 10:41 am
The God of Who Gives a Shit?
March 19, 2008 at 10:54 am
yep, that one too. i believe in a full pantheon.
March 19, 2008 at 12:09 pm
The God of “I’d like to Buy a Vowel, Please?”
March 19, 2008 at 12:27 pm
I agree with you Jeff but there will be as many who say that the success of stuff like this for publishers funds acceptance of more challenging writers. I’m not convinced of that. I feel this way about Harry Potter (which I can only imagine must be some sort of collective worldwide memetic mind-f***, a triumph of phenomenon over substance, some sort of mania to be a part of something, the something itself being secondary to being a part of it; which you might disagree with). When I express my incredulity about HP the first response is that it a) gets children reading and then b) by its success funds other authors. Are such tales of success, in this case of an engineered boy wonder author, a necessary evil in the pernicious world of modern publishing? Literally a case of: ‘When the legend becomes fact, print the legend’.
March 19, 2008 at 12:34 pm
The god of taking a Lord of the Rings character name and change a letter or two?
I mean, really, Eragon or Aragorn?
But in the end he seems so smug, in every picture. I want to take him down a notch. With a big ass machete.
March 19, 2008 at 12:36 pm
Nick–I happily concede your points. I will probably wind up doing a piece on the book for Amazon, since it’s of interest to readers. But on my blog, I get to be bad every once in awhile!
JV
March 19, 2008 at 12:51 pm
Now I need someone to talk me out of calling myself “The God of Stultifying Ennui.”
March 19, 2008 at 12:53 pm
Keep being bad, Jeff. The medium needs it. There is not enough rigorous critique out there shouting down the emperor’s new clothes. Yes, it sells. But is it good or bad art? And does that matter? (I think it does, no matter what bills we need to pay.) And in this case, within the bounds of the genre it inhabits, is it good or bad art? For common sense criteria can be arrived at by a collective thrashing out.
When it comes to fantasy, this type of recognisable fantasy, something I care about (and since Martin raised the bar with four-letter world grit and a sustained masterclass in point of view there has been and is good stuff that has followed) huge dollops of successful crap do nothing to help it being taken seriously. Whatever else, it needs rigorous critique from practitioners within for that to happen.
Or we arrive at this:
http://entertainment.timesonline.co.uk/tol/arts_and_entertainment/the_tls/article3538128.ece
Oh yes by anybody’s God Eragon is bad art, but it has a fearsome engine behind it. That be no wizard behind that screen, that be a machine, my dear munchkins. Tear that f****g screen down, Jeff.
March 19, 2008 at 1:02 pm
The God of The Sudden Apocalypse.
(Please?)
Paul J – Apparently the name ‘Eragon’ came from taking the word ‘dragon’ and changing the first letter. All the other tLotR parallels, though, I’m not sure he has an explanation for.
March 19, 2008 at 1:04 pm
The God of completely sucking
The God of vomit-inducing poetry
An example (Found in Eldest)
Dragons, Like Wagons, Have Skins
Dragons, Like Flagons, Have Necks
But while one eats deer
The others hold beer
When I read it on the plane I thought I was dreaming. HOW COULD THAT GET PUBLISHED??!?!??!!
March 19, 2008 at 1:36 pm
As interesting as this is, I think we’re missing the bigger picture here:
Seriously, what HAS happened to Jeremy Irons career?
March 19, 2008 at 2:15 pm
Irons was in Inland Empire! Here’s hoping Eragon’s god will be a homeless man living behind Winkie’s.
March 19, 2008 at 3:02 pm
I think Irons is a great actor, but he was in that crappy Time Machine remake, that crappy Dungeons & Dragons movie, and then Eragon. Blah.
Nick–this is a difficult balancing act, because I wear many different hats. I will happily spoof Eragon here and do an article on it on Amazon that’s respectful because so many readers of Amazon like it. What I won’t do on Amazon is give it a good review or put it on my best-of-year list. People can call that hypocritical if they like, but I consider these two different contexts, requiring different responses. Besides, it’s not like it’s a secret that the books aren’t very good.
JV
March 19, 2008 at 5:42 pm
Considering the overt “influences”, perhaps this shall be the god of felched Tolkienian imagery.
March 19, 2008 at 10:20 pm
My esteem punk opinion is: “Gee, that IS some beautiful cover art!”
March 20, 2008 at 3:40 am
The apparently-irreversible downswing of Jeremy Irons’ career makes me cry bitter, bitter tears. I can cope with animation voiceovers (and come on; Scar was awesome), but the Dungeons and Dragons movie?
And then, proving it wasn’t just a momentary lapse in judgment, Eragon. Oh, bitter disappointment.
Makes me want to stage an intervention at that Irish castle of his.
Furthermore: The God of Early Success and Laurel-resting.