I can only assume that whoever/whatever was hiring found the right applicant.

There’s something fishy transpiring not too far from where I live. Get this:

Yesterday I decided to take off on foot and explore some of the surrounding woodland areas, when I came across something truly…weird. As a kid I’d already discovered all the nearby cool places–the small isolated ponds most suitable for fishing, the shady, secluded copses excellent for passionate rendezvous (which I never had the fortune of experiencing there. Wistful sigh), and a few caves the lead down a long way and end in dark caverns littered with beer cans and guano.

To get to all these places, one must usually evade a couple rabid dogs, dodge a cranky old man shouting obscenities and waving some sort of shot gun, and keep a wary eye out for snakes, spiders, and other vermin with pointy things. No sweat, really.

Only yesterday I decided to venture out a little farther than normal. I was tired of being cramped indoors through the winter. So I took my handy walking stick, chose a direction at random, and began walking.

At some point about an hour later I emerged from the scrubby oakwood onto a small grassy meadow. It was dotted with a few oaks, and completely closed off from the rest of the world by the surrounding wood.

In the center of the meadow I spotted something small and red. It seemed shaped wrong for a tree or a bush.

I moved closer.

It wasn’t a tree or a bush. It was a wooden stake driven into the ground with a piece of red plastic in the shape of a square nailed to it.

It was a sign, and here is what is said:

“Now Hiring.”

I like your addendum, Timblynod. Vigorously seconded!

Nadine–I was thinking the runner-up should have to forfeit his soul. Would encourage more kick-ass writing. =D

I think more than a few of these entries deserve a special place, somewhere.

Congrats to all the winners!

Haruuumph

Oh, and very nice job, winners. Major kudos and stuff. Really. I generally concur with the results, excepting the case of my own meticulously factual little piece, of course. ;)

Perhaps Ann and Jeff will host another contest in the not-too-remote future. Although this time I suggest the prize be someone’s soul. That sounds like a jolly good trophy.

Wilhelm Vondergeist