Something Wicked in the Woods
Last night I woke to the strangest sound I’ve heard in a long time. I thought maybe my stomach was growling, but it came from outside. It was like a long drawn-out growl mixed with what sounds like the word “whirl”. But a kind of softened-around-the-edges growl. Something from deep in the throat of the baddest-ass bird in the universe. I mean, it’s got to be a bird.
Anyway, I’m checking my email tonight and the damn thing is out there again making that sound. And I can’t find it in the dark. Or it doesn’t want to be found.
Our backyard is wooded, we’re on a corner lot, and it could be hiding anywhere. But I’ve never ever heard this sound before. Last night I thought it might be a crazed coyote or fox, but tonight I’m sure it’s some kind of bird. Very odd. I’ve never heard a soft growl mixed with the word “whirl” before. Maybe I’m just cracking up…
October 4, 2007 at 6:43 pm
Jeff,
I’ve lived in Florida my whole life and I’ve never, repeat NEVER, heard anything like that. In fact, you’re kind of freaking me out. The first thing I thought of was the Outsider, from Watchers. I don’t know why. But now I’m even more freaked out.
Maybe it’s el Chupacabra. If you have a goat suit — whatever you do — don’t put it on.
Seriously though, it might be a cat. My cat Manny makes some weird ass noises, and he’s way louder than should be natural. Just a thought.
October 4, 2007 at 6:52 pm
It’s a cyborg-bird-predator.
October 4, 2007 at 6:54 pm
It could just be the Predator.
October 4, 2007 at 7:21 pm
My gut tells me it’s a bird. If it’s Chupacabra, I’m toast because Ann’s away on a business trip. All I got is a baseball bat.
Jeff
October 4, 2007 at 7:31 pm
Perhaps it’s something from some dark, forgotten Epoch that’s crawled out of the Gulf; a tentacled mass, seething with malignant purpose; longing for unimaginable crimson pleasure.
I’m just trying to put you at ease, Jeff.
October 4, 2007 at 7:55 pm
Thanks Ennis. You’re helpful. LOL!
October 4, 2007 at 8:03 pm
: )
October 4, 2007 at 8:04 pm
I’ve always found that a good ole saucer of milk can be helpful in these situations. If it’s the chupacabra, then you’ve taken the edge off its hunger; if it’s fairies, then they might do something nice for you; and if it’s a cat, it’ll love you forever – and hey, free cat.
And by the way, doesn’t Florida have wild boars? And pumas? And flies so big they carry off small children?
October 4, 2007 at 8:05 pm
Don’t be scared – it’s probably just the Skunk Ape.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Skunk_Ape
October 4, 2007 at 8:12 pm
Yes–we do have wild boars, and panthers. AND jaguarundi!!!! (sic) I’ve seen one.
It’s stopped talking to me. I don’t know if that’s good or not.
Now I just have to survive any possible flying cockroaches until Ann gets back. (Ann reasons with the cockroaches.)
Also, there are these cool little speckled geckos outside right now. Not to mention a riot of fungi.
Jeff
October 4, 2007 at 8:21 pm
My area has recently been invaded by Mediterranean House Geckos – Mississippi has no native gecko species, and these guys have managed to pretty much dominate the night. They sleep in our office during the day, and once in a while you’ll find one lying dazed in the sun on a desk.
October 4, 2007 at 9:36 pm
Keep your guns loaded. ;-)
October 4, 2007 at 9:38 pm
Yes, I have this special talent – I can talk to cockroaches (that and an eye for fantastic fiction – my two greatest talents). And Jeff, don’t worry. I had a firm talk with them before I left and they will not bother you.
October 4, 2007 at 9:40 pm
Also, Jackson said he’d look out for you while I am gone. And you know what a good watch-cat he is.
October 4, 2007 at 9:43 pm
Start singing, “I can’t give you anything but love, Baby” to the woods and see if anything walks out of the woods to you. Could be a tame jaguarundi.
October 4, 2007 at 10:11 pm
Thanks, Steve. Great idea.
Ann, I don’t trust Jackson.
There’s that sound again…
Jeff
October 4, 2007 at 10:39 pm
You’re in for a long, weird night, buddy. If you want, I’ll send over Terrible Chester. That’s twelve pounds of fuzzy, furious cat. Wraps some balloons around em and you’re bound to scare away anything short of Cthulhu.
October 4, 2007 at 10:54 pm
re: jackson
that’s alright. speaking as a cat, you can only trust us so far. ;-)
seriously (in a half-assed way), maybe it’s the mushroom people?
October 5, 2007 at 3:33 am
That’s what happens when you stop drinking overnight. Trust me, I know. ;-)
October 5, 2007 at 5:49 am
I’ve been away for ten hours, why haven’t you gone out and discovered the noise-making beastie? Enquiring minds wish this enigma unenigmasized.
’cause you know, if it is the Predator, staying inside isn’t really going to stop him. And if it’s Cthulhu, he’s using psychic powers anyway, and they’re not like Wifi, they go through walls too. And if it’s a bird…then it’s a bird.
October 5, 2007 at 6:14 am
There are some monkeys that make a noise like that; I’ve heard it, and it freaked the shit out of me. With the number of people who keep exotic animals, I wouldn’t be surprised if it’s an escaped pet from somewhere. Even in Columbus we’ve had an alligator in the river and a lion-like animal prowling an eastern suburb.
October 5, 2007 at 6:23 am
There’s no reason to not assume that Samuel’s lion-like animal has moved down to Florida for the cool months.
October 5, 2007 at 7:34 am
Tessa:
You’re cracking me up. “And if it’s a bird…then it’s a bird.” Some birds are deadly. LOL!
JV
October 5, 2007 at 8:01 am
Pshaw. Big predator birds are only deadly to small cute furry things, which you’re not. Unless you really are a meerkat in a Jeffsuit.
In which case, GO OUT IN THE JEFFSUIT.
October 5, 2007 at 8:16 am
Tess,
VanderMeerkat.
The truth was there all along.
October 5, 2007 at 8:19 am
Hence this irrational fear of birds and a tendancy to bob up and down.
October 5, 2007 at 8:33 am
Damn. You didn’t. Snap. Or something like that.
Tessa–the Jeffsuit??!?!
JV
October 5, 2007 at 8:45 am
Just as Bruce Wayne put on the Batsuit, the meerkat puts on the Jeffsuit. And battles birds.
October 5, 2007 at 8:51 am
LOL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Oh my god. I think my sides are gonna hurt for a week.
October 5, 2007 at 9:09 am
We here at Tessadom Central aim to please, and are now shutting down for the night.